Weasels
by Jack E. Peace
Summary: Dawn, Spike and Kellie (my character) get drunk one day and make a bunch of prank calls. Did I mention they were really drunk?


Disclaimer: Only the character Kellie belongs to me. As well as all the people they call  
  
A/N: This story came about when my friend, Kellie, and me were prank calling some people. So, she and I and her sister are writing this story.  
  
Weasels  
  
By SparkingDiamond, CiCi_KellieK and Hyper Now (Just read "Flowers in the Meadow")  
  
  
  
  
  
Dawn opened the kitchen door, stepped inside and slammed it with all her might, slinging her backpack to her left. At the kitchen table, Kellie Kennedy sat, drawing a picture of Spike on a kitchen napkin. When Dawn entered the house, Kellie looked up, surprised by her entrance. She also threw the picture on the floor.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" Kellie asked, slightly slurring her words. "What's got your knickers in a twist?" She added.  
  
"What?" Dawn asked, cocking her head.  
  
"Spike said it." Kellie said with a grin. "I love my Spikey." She added and raised her pencil to draw but realized that her paper was gone.  
  
"Are you feeling alright, Kellie?" Dawn asked, going to sit across from the girl.  
  
"Yep, five by five." Kellie answered. "The most important thing is your problems; I don't want you turning out to be some drunken person who whines about how no one ever listened to you." Kellie said.  
  
Dawn stared at her. "Are you drunk?" Dawn asked.  
  
Kellie grinned and twirled her hair around her finger. "Well, if five beers and three margaritas will get you drunk then yep, precisely." Kellie answered.  
  
Dawn frowned and looked at her; a long silence followed. Out of the blue, Dawn was startled when Kellie squeaked, "Weasels." She seemed to be very excited when she spoke.  
  
Dawn rolled her eyes and grabbed her backpack, leaving the kitchen. "Wait!" Kellie called, stumbling out of her chair. It was then that Dawn noticed that Kellie had her hand wrapped around the neck of a beer bottle.  
  
"You need this more then I do." Kellie grinned and thrust the bottle at Dawn.  
  
Slowly, Dawn took the bottle and tipped it back, drinking from it. "You know, this is pretty good." Dawn said with a grin. "Buffy would never let me drink." She added.  
  
Dawn finished the beer and smiled. Kellie, however, didn't share in her joy and frowned. "That was the last beer, damn it, I wish we had more beers." She muttered. "I wish Spike was here; with more beers." She added.  
  
At that moment, Spike burst through the kitchen door, wrapped in a blanket and holding two twelve packs of beer.  
  
He threw his blanket off and laid the beer on the table; he walked over to Kellie and greeted her with a kiss. "Hey baby, I brought you some beers." He said and motioned to the beers.  
  
"Party." Kellie said with a grin.  
  
Half an hour later, everyone was up in Dawn's room; Dawn and Kellie and Spike were all so drunk they didn't know who they were. Suddenly, Dawn reached for the phone.  
  
"Hello?" She said. She stared at the phone. "No one called." She giggled and took another drink.  
  
"We should call someone." Spike suggested.  
  
"We should call the beer fairy, we need more booze." Kellie said and attempted to take a drink of her beer but stopped. "Booze." She giggled and thrust her fist into the air. "Booze! Booze!" She yelled repeatedly. Spike and Dawn joined in on her chant.  
  
"Boooooozzzzzzzzzeeeeeeeeee" Kellie said. "What a funny word." She added.  
  
The phone rang, causing everyone in the room to look around. "Better get the doorbell." Spike said.  
  
Dawn reached toward her CD player and switched it on. "Hello? No we don't want any toasters." Dawn said and knocked the CD player off its stand. "Opps." She laughed.  
  
The phone continued to ring; Kellie looked up and giggled, reaching to pick up the phone. "Beer fairy?" Kellie said into the phone.  
  
"Hello?" The person on the other end of the phone said. Kellie took a deep breath and put one hand over the receiver; with the other hand, she motioned for Dawn and Spike to lean closer to her. "It's God, on the phone." Kellie said.  
  
"Wow." Dawn muttered. "God is calling us." She added.  
  
Kellie took her hand away from the receiver. "God?" She asked.  
  
"Ask Him what He wants." Spike said, nudging Kellie in the ribs.  
  
"What do you want?" Kellie asked, nearly dropping her bottle.  
  
"That's no way to talk to God." Dawn muttered and took the phone. "Why are you calling us? We haven't sinned, you're the sinner!" Dawn yelled into the phone.  
  
Spike took the phone away from Dawn. "I'm going to tell him to leave a message with our message taker person." Spike said. "Leave a message at the beep." He said into the phone. "Beep." He hung up the phone.  
  
Dawn laughed and took another drink. She reached under her bed and pulled out her bag of stone stuff. "Let's see, I think I have something in here." Dawn said and pulled out a phone book. "Here we go." She said.  
  
"Are we calling God back? You should look under G." Kellie said and dropped her bottle, slipping it all over Spike.  
  
"Hey, what'd you do that for, pet?" Spike asked and poured his own beer all over Kellie's hair. He leaned over and kissed her cheek.  
  
"You guys. Are wasting. The beer." Dawn snapped and flipped through the phone book.  
  
She stopped and ran her finger down the page. "Ah, here, there's a boy named Trevor." Dawn said and ripped the page out. "Call him."  
  
"Trevor might get mad." Kellie said with a hick-up.  
  
"Trevor will understand luv." Spike said.  
  
"Then Trevor's a fag!" She yelled.  
  
"If Trevor gets mad, Trevor can shove it." Dawn snapped.  
  
Spike took the phone off the hook and attempted to Trevor's number; however, he couldn't see the numbers straight so he just hit numbers until he heard ringing.  
  
"I think it's ringing." Spike said and put it up to his ear.  
  
"Hello?" The person on the other end said.  
  
Dawn snatched the phone away from Spike. "Is your phone working? I need to know if your phone is working, it's for the yearbook." Dawn yelled.  
  
"Yeah, my phone is working." The person said.  
  
"Happy for ya." Dawn said. Spike took the phone away from Dawn.  
  
"Is there a, uh, Trevor there?" Spike asked, looking at the page in the phone book.  
  
"No." The person said.  
  
"Then put him on the phone." Spike said. "My girlfriend wants to tell him that he's a fag."  
  
"Uh, Trevor's not here; in fact, there is no Trevor here…ever." The person said.  
  
"Then can you call him up?" Spike asked. Kellie took the phone from him.  
  
"WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?" Kellie screamed into the phone. "Can't you press a few buttons, dial a number? It'll be fun." Kellie said.  
  
"Wackos." The person said and hung up.  
  
"That was fun." Dawn said and ripped another page out of the phone book. "Call." She commanded.  
  
Kellie hit numbers and held the phone up to her ear. Someone picked up on the other line. "Is Monique there?" Kellie asked.  
  
"Who?" The person asked, it sounded like someone that Kellie knew.  
  
"Who is this then?" Kellie asked. "Why are you at Monique's house if. You're. Not. Monique?" Kellie yelled. "Are you a robber? Should I report you to the YMCA?" Kellie asked.  
  
"Uh, no." The person said.  
  
Spike laid his hand on Kellie's shoulder. "Pet, it's the QBJ, not the YMCA. That's a song." Spike said.  
  
"Kellie is that you?" The person asked.  
  
"No, this is Trevor." Kellie said, shaking her head and kissing Spike.  
  
"What?" The person said.  
  
"T-R-E-V-O-R!" Kellie screamed, spelling the name out. "Now, put Monique on the phone." She commanded. Suddenly, she paused. "Are you Trevor?" She asked.  
  
"No, this is Kevin Margarita." The person said.  
  
Dawn smiled. "Mar-Ga-Rita!" She yelled. "I know how to spell that: Q-C- Kitty!" Dawn said.  
  
"Kevin?" Kellie asked, surprised and shocked. Before she had a chance to speak, Spike took the phone away from her.  
  
"Look, buddy, we don't want any tickets to Starbucks on ice." Spike said and hung up the phone.  
  
Dawn frowned. "I want to go to Star-bizucks on ice." She moaned. "Oh, I just had the best idea: let's call Kimberly." She grinned.  
  
"Who that be?" Kellie asked, opening another beer and swilling the whole thing.  
  
"This girl at school who thinks she's a side of fries and beer because she's going to Megan's party tonight. I wasn't invited and Kimberly was all: 'ooh, you're not invited' and crap." Dawn answered.  
  
"No one talks to Dawn that way." Kellie said and took the phone away from Spike. After dialing random numbers, she remembered to ask Dawn for the number.  
  
After five rings, the answering machine picked up. "Hi, you've reached Kimberly. I'm not in to take your call but it will automatically page me so leave your name and number." The answering machine said.  
  
"Kimberly! Oh my God, you cannot go to Megan's party tonight! Someone called the police a head of time so if you go over there you'll get so busted!" Kellie yelled, trying hard not to laugh. "Just stay in your crib." She added and hung up the phone.  
  
Dawn, Spike and Kellie began to laugh; Kellie dropped the phone and Dawn spit beer out of her nose.  
  
Kellie picked up the phone and dialed the number again. "What are you doing?" Dawn asked.  
  
Kellie didn't answer and waited for the answering machine to pick up. "Kimberly! Are you at Megan's house? Is that why you're not answering the phone?! Oh…girl you are going to be so busted!" Kellie said and hung up.  
  
The three of them laughed and drank until there was no more beer. Dawn began to get really sick and vomit on the floor, and then she passed out. Spike picked Kellie up and put her on Dawn's bed, they began making out.  
  
They were making out until Buffy got home; she walked upstairs and opened the door to her sister's room. "Dawn, I'm…" She started but paused when she saw the mess in her sister's room. Beer bottles, ripped up sheets of paper, a broken phone (Spike had broken it when he heard the pet store didn't sell beer) and her sister, passed out on the floor. She was even more surprised to see Kellie and Spike making out on Dawn's bed.  
  
"What the hell happened?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Foamy." Kellie answered.  
  
Later that night, Dawn finally finished throwing up everything inside her and was helping her sister and Kellie clean up the mess in the kitchen. She was cleaning around the table when she saw a napkin on the floor. She stooped and picked it up.  
  
Her eyes widened and she looked up. "Is this what Spike really looks like?" She asked.  
  
A/N: That was a weird story, I know, but all those prank calls Kellie and I made. And to the real Kimberly out there, whom we called (who was not a teenager), Kellie and I would like to know what you thought of our message. But, we're not going to give you our phone numbers or e-mail addresses because we're afraid of what you might do to us. Especially because Kellie and I now believe that Kimberly is our chorus teacher. 


End file.
